Demos (2012)

by Alex McAllister

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1.
She’s been having one hell of a year Every time I see her I just want to be sincere But my head plays tricks and my heart holds out So I sit around and pass time If I’ve told her once, then I’ve told her twice There’s no one that makes me feel quite as nice It’s tough to tell where we’ll both end up But when I sleep I end up with her Everytime I try to say just what I mean I just write a song instead Don’t be a man she said I don’t want to fall in love again But I’ve spent too many nights just sleeping alone Don’t fall for me she said I’ve got too much weight hung around my neck Everytime I try to resist I just want her more I fell in love and thats worth fighting for I’ve been in love a couple times before But I never fell so hard and never felt so sure It’s hard to say if it would ever work But all I want is to give it a try I know she cares because she tells me so But when does care move to more and how do you know? When I hear her voice on my telephone I just want to make her mine Everytime I try to say just what I mean I just write a song instead Don’t be a man she said I don’t want to fall in love again But I’ve spent too many nights just sleeping alone Don’t fall for me she said I’ve got too much weight hung around my neck Everytime I try to resist I just want her more I fell in love and thats worth fighting for
2.
She reminds me of Amazing Grace The sweetest sound I hear Some nights I dream of her lying next to me I want to mean more than I’ve been I want to be something to her The first time I laid eyes on you I tried not to make it so clear Each morning when I see you sitting next to me I want to say more than I’ve said I’ve got something to say to you Don’t you ever think of me? I know I think of you I’ve been a fool, but thats ending soon I want to mean something to you These days I wait just to hear from her In these weeks where I don’t see her face That’s nothing new, the waitings part of wanting you I want to mean more than I’ve been I want to be something to you Don’t you ever want to try? We’ve danced around this for the longest time I’ve been a fool in my falling hard for you I’m just trying to be someone to you Someday soon I’ll tell you just how much you mean to me Without a doubt, I’d like to take you out And show you what we could mean Because I want to be more than I’ve been I want to say more than I’ve said I want to do more than I’ve done But in the end I want to be with you
3.
I don’t know what she thinks She keeps taking this for granted I don’t know if she’s better off without me But I don’t like the way things ended It’s never been my way to say exactly what I’m thinking Like “What the fuck have you been up to and where do you think you’re sleeping tonight?” I don’t know what I’m looking for now that’s all gone But one thing is for sure Bottoms up now everythings ending Feet together and stand up tall Faces down with memories of what you left behind It’s enough to make any man feel small if you’re coming back to see me I won’t be here when you call I don’t know what she drinks But I know its more than I could ever handle I don’t know why I run my mouth with things untrue I don’t know why she wants to strangle Me, I’ve been a pessimist but cynics never miss their kicks And love was just a game that I made up Her, she’s seen her better days, her better boys, her better lays And she knows that things have to look up Bottoms up now everythings ending Feet together and stand up tall Faces down with memories of what you left behind It’s enough to make any man feel small If you’re coming back to see me I won’t be here when you call I don’t take as much as I give But I hold too much in my mind I don’t talk as much as I think But I say it all in time I can’t justify more of this Or the time I already spent I can’t hold her up when she’s always going to let me fall
4.

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released March 11, 2012

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Alex McAllister Amherst, Massachusetts

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